Ron Does Stuff

It’s going to be a busy Drag Race day today because there’s not just one but two Drag Race shows airing today. Of course, there’s All Stars 9 but then there’s also the third season of Drag Race France, where they’ll be looking for Keiona‘s successor. And if you still think that’s a spoiler it’s been almost a year get over it.

Anyway, let’s watch the latest episode of All Stars 9!

The queen’s come back to the Werk Room after Gottmik’s second win, bringing her total wins for the Trans Lifeline to $20,000. That’s P1,171,450 based on current exchange rates!

Jorgeous, the latest recipient of the ruby snippers, is obviously not thrilled about the honor and obviously says she’s got her eye on Gottmik. It’s practically scripted at this point.

The conversation then turns to badge counting and so far Roxxxy, Vanjie, and Shannel are the only queens who haven’t won a badge yet. And since Gottmik and Nina West both have a badge to give away, the conversation turns to that and now we’re getting to the scheming and drama.

Both Gottmik and Nina West say they still don’t know who they’re going to give their extra badges to, and Roxxxy bluntly asks if there are any alliances within the group. Shannel says there are cliques within the group, like Vanjie and Gottmik and Roxxxy and Plastique, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re allied.

Vanjie, in particular, doesn’t appreciate being made to look like she’s counting on Gottmik to give her a badge. She isn’t a coattail rider and to be fair, Vanjie rocketed to fame on the strength of her own meme-ability. I know that’s not a word but just let it go.

The conversation doesn’t let up the next day as Nina admits she’s feeling a lot of pressure when it comes to the badge discussion. She’s considering giving the badge either to Shannel or Roxxxy and she hasn’t really made her mind up.

BUT the real drama, the real tension, is when Gottmik brings up the “fact” that Shannel and Angeria are in an alliance. The fact is in quotes because Shannel and Angeria both vehemently deny that they are in an alliance. As evidence, Gottmik says that during the lip sync, she could hear Shannel and Angeria cheering for Nina only. AND that somebody told her that Shannel and Angeria are planning to work together. THE. DRAMA.

We don’t know which little birdie told Gottmik all of that because Ru walks in to ask her and Nina who they’re giving their badges to. Nina gives it to Roxxxy and Gottmik is gobsmacked because she considers Roxxxy a huge threat and rightfully so! Gottmik does the cliquey thing and gives her extra badge to Vanjie.

Ru then asks the girls to pair up and because of the previous alliance/clique conversation they’re all afraid to pair up with their obvious friends and I am screaming. I just found it so hilarious how awkward they suddenly all got with each other.

Then it’s the queens turn to start screaming as their Maxi Challenge enters — they have to makeover four firefighters and form a girl group with them. And wouldn’t you know it everyone’s been paired up with someone who can at least work a needle! Shannel is with Angeria, Roxxxy is with Vanjie, Plastique is with Jorgeous, and Gottmik is with Nina. At the very least no one is going to look horrible. Now as for the singing…we’ll see!

Nina is immediately funny and relatable because she is immediately (yes, this is the second time I’ve used that) crushing on the straight firefighter. And you know what these are pretty progressive firefighters? Even the straight ones! Which really is surprising considering how some of the regular season makeover episodes have featured less than accepting men.

The queens and the firefighters seem to be getting along real well and since I’m a worrier I fully expect something to end up being fucked up later in the episode. One of the firefighters can’t dance? Tension between the partnered queens? I don’t know! I just worry!

But the queens really seem to be having a great time and Vanjie is ever the great talking head as she makes fun of Nina and Gottmik being too horny for their firefighter to come up with a decent makeover. And given the glimpses that we’ve seen of what they’ve put on the fireman so far? Lord help them.

Ru does the walkthroughs and apparently in the United States there are a lot of LGBTQIA people in the EDM community? Granted, I haven’t been immersed in the Filipino EDM community but here it seems like it’s mostly straight bros. At least that’s the way it looks to me as an outsider looking in.

I think we finally see the “bad” thing happen because the firefighters for Jorgeous, Plastique, Shannel, and Angeria aren’t quite shaping up as well when it comes to choreography. Should I stop worrying now? Should I start therapy? We shall see!

Finally, the groups start walking on the runway and while Roxxxy and Vanjie’s firefighter looks great…that really is a stiff walk. But good effort considering everything! Plastique and Jorgeous’ firefighter, on the other hand? Cunt.

Angeria and Shannel’s firefighter…I don’t know. Maybe I just don’t like the makeup? I just feel like it made her face so much longer than it should be? But I am not a makeup homo so my opinion may be wrong! Meanwhile, Gottmik’s decision to just not hide the masculinity of their firefighter works because the face is beat and the body is body-ing. I really liked the contrast and how it still works despite it!

As for Pussy On Fire. I like the beat but…well the performances of differing qualities let’s just say that. It’s all enjoyable if you just don’t look too close so that’s my suggestion!

During the judges critiques I was howling at Plastique and Jorgeous’ firefighter quoting Miss Monica Beverly Hillz. I cannot.

The judges also say that all of the queens did their firefighters right with the makeup so I guess it just looks different in person? I do realize that there are some looks that don’t translate well on screen but look cunt in person so maybe that’s the situation here.

The top All Stars this week are Roxxxy and Vanjie and I swear to god they just want Shannel to break again and do a repeat of the “I am beautiful” situation in Season 1. Kinda feel bad for the girl!

Vanjie and Roxxxy lip sync to Janet Jackson’s “Black Cat” and…well it was disappointing. Especially considering Roxxxy’s track record with lip syncs. But my opinion really doesn’t matter because apparently it’s a tie! Okay!

Roxxxy and Vanjie decide to cut off Angeria and she is pissed. Let’s see how things turn out next week!