Ron Does Stuff

Another work week is done and now we’ve got another episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race Global All Stars. Let’s jump right in!

The previous episode saw Soa send Athena home, although quite frankly I feel like both of them should have gone home. But Athena now has the distinction of being the Porkchop of the first season of Global All Stars.

The next day, Pythia throws shade at Tessa Testicle and it really is looking like Tessa will be the drama. And unlike Scarlet Envy she’s not questioning whether she is the drama. She knows.

But before that tension can escalate any further, Ru comes into the Werk Room to tell the queens that it’s going to be the Girl Group Maxi Challenge this week and I am contractually obligated to include “Pop Off, Ate” every time we get to the girl group challenge episode.

There’s a little bit of comedy there as the queens are asked to write down the population of their country, with the ones closest to the actual number ending up as team leaders: Kween Kong, Miranda Lebrao, and Vanity Vain. I already feel bad for whoever ends up on Vanity’s group, I’m sorry.

Or maybe I shouldn’t be sorry because choosing Gala, Kitty, and Nehellenia is actually kinda smart. Miranda’s team is a little lopsided, I think, with Eva, Alyssa, and Tessa Testicle. Kween Kong with Pythia and Soa de Muse is…honestly I don’t know what to think. I do like that the queens were given the option to write their verses in whatever language they wanted.

Because this season seem intent on showing as little of the queens as possible — I’m not the first to point this out guys — we get a very quick and breezy look at them coming up with their group name. There’s not a lot of storyline being laid down right now other than the Pythia and Tessa tension at the start of the episode.

Actually, Tessa is where most of the storylines converge, because during choreo its tension between her and Alyssa now. There’s also a little foreshadowing as Alyssa says in the confessional that she hopes they’re judged individually and I am looking at which one between Tessa, Eva, and Miranda will be in the bottom.

For Kween Kong’s team, it’s Pythia that seems to be in trouble, which could also be a storyline that could pay off in the latter part of the episode if she ends up in the bottom. “No one is safe!” the girls will exclaim is Pythia become a bottom queen immediately after winning in the previous episode.

Vanity also looks like she may possibly be in the bottom as she is the struggling queen in her group. It really looks like this is a ~proxy war~ between Alyssa, Kween Kong, and Kitty, who take control of choreo and are the narrators in the confessional.

Another storyline that’s being set up is Miranda and her battle with her body, which if I’m remembering correctly from a previous episode she has explained has been damaged by an accident? A fire? When she was young. And Alyssa is in awe of her as well. Will this be her storyline for however long she’ll be on the show? Or is it just a one-time thing.

The performances start with Kween Kong’s group up first and Pythia is definitely the weak one of the group. She really stood out when placed beside Soa and Kween. Unfortunately, not for the right reasons.

Miranda’s group does the K-pop mix of the song and…well. Le Sserafim’s got a new song out! And the girls are girling!

Stream it on Spotify too!

Vanity Vain’s group looks like they have the best chance to win. Looks like Kitty Scott-Claus won this proxy war then! Sorry, I’ve been binging Oversimplified lately.

The runway theme is Color Your World and the queens have to come up with reveals and the ones that I liked were Eva’s, Alyssa’s, and Pythia’s, although I thought it had to be just one color?

Anyways, the queens are going to be judged individually like Alyssa wanted and the safe queens are Eva, Tessa, Alyssa, Soa de Muse, and Gala Varo. During the judges’ critiques Miranda gets a lot of negative critique and I know she wouldn’t want this but I feel like some allowance should be given for her physical situation? I dunno.

Back in the Werk Room, Nehellenia is the drama and I can’t blame her, especially after she got good critiques and she’s greeted back there in the Werk Room with “Oh we thought you’d be in the bottom.” And it turns into a full-blown argument with Nehellenia, Soa, and Vanity being the main people arguing with each other.

When we get back to the Main Stage Nehelennia gets praised AND PRODUCTION HAS THIS FUCKING GREAT CAPTURE OF ALYSSA’S FACE GRINDING HER TEETH LIKE SOME OLD TIMEY PROSPECTOR? GOD I WISH I KNEW HOW TO GIF OR SOMETHING.

Kitty wins! And the bottom two queens are Vanity and Miranda. Honestly, I want Vanity to go home but she’s the one actually lip syncing. Bye Miranda!