Ron Does Stuff

I had actually meant to watch the first two episodes as they were being released a couple of days ago, but things happened that just didn’t make that possible. But now it’s the freaking weekend baby I’m about to…have a long sleep after watching episode 2.

At the end of the last episode, Agatha is finally free of Wanda’s hex and has already been threatened by Rio Vidal. She’s about to have the Salem Seven go after her, and without any powers she’s basically about to die.

Of course, Agatha is ready to jet off, telling Teen — when will we find out who Joe Locke is playing! — that he can have the house, but is stopped in her tracks when Teen asks her to take him to The Witches’ Road. And I’d like to say that I was there when this storyline for Scarlet Witch started in the comics but then I became #FUNemployed so I had to drop my comic book purchases.

I’d like to say that we find out that Agatha has already walked the Witches’ Road before but that’s something we already know from the trailer. And something we also know from the trailer is that Teen is the one that broke the Scarlet Witch’s spell. What we do find out is that Teen wants to walk down the Witches’ Road to gain power, in much the same way that Agatha needs to regain power if she’s going to survive the Salem Seven.

Teen says his name when Agatha asks for it, and I really thought that the mouth thing would just be a trailer thing but they really are going to keep him secret up until I don’t know what episode! You better believe I kept rewinding it just to try and see if he said Billy Kaplan.

There’s a car gag that was hilarious to me before the pair finally head off to find a coven, because apparently it’s needed to access the Witches’ Road. There’s a scene there were Agatha is right in front of Wanda’s former Westview home and I really like Kathryn Hahn’s expressions here.

The pair drive out of Westview and in the car Teen gets a call from his boyfriend and COME ON HE’S GOT TO BE BILLY KAPLAN. There’s not a lot of curly-haired magical teen homosexuals in Marvel!

We find out about the Covenstead Rule, where there will always be “witchy enough” people in a three-mile radius for someone to form a coven. And wouldn’t you know it Agatha and Teen find Lilia Calderu, played by Patti Lupone. She clocks Agatha and it’s so hilarious when Teen totally queens out when Lilia says no witch in their right mind would join Agatha Harkness’ coven.

There’s a nice back and forth between Agatha and Lilia and my golly Lilia is also hundreds of years old? So does that canonically mean that all the witches in the Marvel Universe lead long lives? Could the Scarlet Witch still be alive? I mean long life doesn’t mean immortality I know but let me keep my Wanda is alive fantasy.

The next witch they find is Jen Kale, who apparently has been rendered powerless by a spell for a century now and is also drowning in class action lawsuits. So the MCU witches really do live for hundreds of years! And I absolutely love the team Agatha and Teen make they’re like a fag and his hag!

As they head off to find the next witch for the coven — there’s one name on the list that Agatha refuses to show although I feel like it’s Rio — Teen shares a story about his dead mother and I can’t help but HOPE that it’s Mrs. Kaplan, which means he’s Billy Kaplan. I just need my gay Marvel wizard, okay?

They’re really building up Teen here because after failing to recruit Alice Wu, he and Agatha head back to Westview and when he talks about himself Agatha is magically prevented from learning more about him. Fascinating!

The coven assembles at Agatha’s house and Rio is the other name on the coven list. And maybe it’s because I am a homosexual but there really is some girl on girl tension there between Agatha and Rio. Let’s get into it! And also this is how Mrs. Hart gets roped into this. Agatha is using her a “green witch” to convince the other witches that they have the people to travel down the Witches’ Road.

Then we get a really great musical number even if the singers really aren’t doing much because it’s the soundtrack to all the freaky stuff building up outside Agatha’s house. And then a legitimately scary entrance for one of the Salem Seven that actually had me scream a little!

As the Salem Seven close in, Agatha’s coven heads on down to the Witches’ Road — which only appeared after that hilarious “Blast me you bitches!” line — to face whatever it lies ahead of them. I got to say, I am still very much on board for this show!