Ron Does Stuff

I know I didn’t blog about it — because I didn’t have this blog back then — but Drag Race España was one of the international franchises that I really loved. So now that they’re premiering a new season, I am all in!

Up first is the Canary Islands’ very own Dita Dubois, who kinda reminds me of Hannah Conda? In the face? It’s the plastic surgery, I swear! She’s also challenging Nymphia Wind for the title of Banana Queen although I think Nymphia has got that title down pat.

Second to go inside the Werk Room is Porca Theclubkid and well…she’s doing the most. I’m not initially into it! But let’s see what she has to offer as the episode progresses!

Shani LaSanta is up next and is she…high? Or maybe it’s the diabetes because that whole spiel of “I’ve got an abrasive eloquence, theatre studies and diabetes” got me laughing! Either way, Dita Dubois is already reading her to filth and calling her a filler queen which just makes Dita a prime candidate for this season’s first out.

But I gotta say Shani is also giving early out energy with her yapping about her two degrees. Serena Chacha have you migrated to Spain? Are you interested in fine art drag too, Shani?

And then we get Angelita La Perversa, who goes into the Werk Room literally dressed like an ape before stripping into a Poison Ivy outfit with an ill-fitting corset. I love her already.

Le Coco comes in after Angelita La Perversa, wearing latex and looking sleek and sexy but then she is immediately overshadowed by Mariana Stars who walks in beat. Wig, headpace, long fucking train, this bitch wants all eyes on her. She does admit that she’s no lip sync assassin so I’m thinking that maybe she won’t be making it all the way to the finals.

Kelly Passa!? is up next and I’m sorry I laughed at the Punk’s not dead joke? I don’t know it’s the first time I’ve actually seen someone who claims to be punk not take themselves too seriously!

La Niña Delantro is up next but the queens decide to hide and surprise her and I kinda agree with Shani here, it’s kinda old to do this gag. And they don’t even really surprise La Niña but oh well!

Up next is Vampirashian and girl unless your Kalorie Karbdashian I’m not really interested. I am so over the Kardashians, sorry not sorry.

And I can’t at Dita Dubois saying in the confessionals that this one appearance on Drag Race España is going to be the birthday gift for Vampirashian since she’s going to go home first. Dita is either going to be an early out or the narrator of the season.

Chloe Vittu is up next and…well I’m not into it either! The breastplate doesn’t look like it’s been put on correctly and I didn’t understand her either when she was explaining her look but maybe that’s the fault of whoever is doing the subtitles.

Up next is obviously the edgy girl of the season, Khristo. And I’m into boy Khristo? He’s cute! And the stigmata as part of her drag? As a traumatized Catholic, I approve!

Khristo is followed by La Pikachas and I am so worried that this whole show might be sued by The Pokemon Company or something! But no, it’s not La Pikachas, it’s Megui Yeillow and she used to be part of the España pit crew! I am willing to pay money to watch a Khristo and Megui Yeillow sex tape.

Supremme finally walks in and after the customary enumeration of this season’s prizes — they get €2,500 for every Maxi Challenge win which I think is a first? I may be misremembering — she calls in the Pit Crew and I am laughing at Shani saying the show is going to kill her since the Pit Crew comes in with sweets.

It’s a Queen’s Cake, which I am guessing is a Spanish thing. One of the cakes has got the lucky queen in it and basically it acts like the gold chocolate bar from RuPaul’s Drag Race season 16. Whoever is lip syncing can bring out the lucky queen and can swap places with the other person in the bottom three. And if they don’t use it until the semi-finals — and they’re still in the competition — they can swap it for €2,500. Not bad! And it’s not chocolate!

Finally, the queens can de-drag and Mariana gets a look at Megui’s Poke Balls and I’m like…can I get a look too? Share the load!

But before anyone can get into anyone else’s balls, Supremme walks back in and tells them that the first Maxi Challenge of the season is immediately a ball and whew they are not giving the queens a break! The three categories are where they come from, where they will be in 10 years, while the look they have to make on their own is “Second First Time”, where the basically do a Rudemption look for their first time in drag.

Just like other non-American Drag Race franchises, Drag Race España has a different spin on the Werk Room walkthrough, with Supremme this time around being accompanied by Ana Locking — a fave of mine! — and Los Javis. For the most part, it doesn’t seem like the production is pegging anyone to go home first, although I am beginning to doubt Angelita’s taste level because why was she thinking of walking the runway with that wig on? I’m no drag queen and even I know that wig is whack.

Okay…so maybe I misunderstood the first theme of the ball because when the runway starts the queens are dressed as…people? characters?…from different bygone eras. But so far so good! Mariana looks good, Porca looks good, Chloe looks good! In fact, the looks were so good that the ones that really stood out were the ones that had real backstory with them, like La Niña and Le Coco’s traumas with Catholicism and their father, respectively.

Once again, it’s the stories that make the outfits stand out more with the second theme, like Shani’s reflection on her death. But Megui does steal the show with this fucking masterpiece!

Now we get to the outfits they made themselves and this is where we’re going to see who really has the chops. It’s one thing to source an outfit, but to make one yourself? That’s a different level.

And…well, Angelita may just be headed to the bottom because changing the wig only very, very marginally made that outfit better. Dita also looks like she’s headed there too, and it’s so sad to see the more mature queens getting bottom placements so early.

Porca, Chloe, Megui, Le Coco, Kelly, and Dita are the safe queens this episode and congratulations to Dita for managing to avoid a bottom placement this episode. The remaining queens get their critiques and I gotta agree with Ana and Supremme with the Shani critiques! And as the critiques progress I’m reminded of why Drag Race España is so good because the judges seem to at least really care for the queens and try to assure them that this is really not the be all and end all of their career. And I know some regular watchers may disagree with me when it comes to Los Javis but I think they’ve all been really fair in all the seasons so far!

Khristo deservedly wins the first episode and doesn’t just get the money but a two-night stay at the Axel Hotel Valencia, which is an adults only hotel! Good for her! Meanwhile, Shani and La Niña are in the bottom and I’m sorry Shani, but La Niña definitely kicked your butt in this one. That Shani lip synch was definitely crunchy, to say the least. ¡Adios!