Ron Does Stuff

I’ll be honest, I did not watch the fifth season of RuPaul’s Drag Race UK. I think it happened during my Drag Race burnout moment last year and while I fully intended to catch up on it but it just never really happened. And now we have a new season upon us!

First up is Rileasa Slaves and bitch. That drag name. And that wig. It’s already an overwhelming presence right from the get go! Which is why Charra Tea kind feels like a let down and looking more like an evolved Sminty Drop? And I only say Sminty because of recency bias since she was in the intro. Charra just got swallowed by Rileasa’s entrance. Although I did get a laugh at Charra naming Neil Buchanan as an inspiration!

Up next is Zahirah Zapanta and of course I will be biased. She’s just as noisy as any Filipino and if I remember correctly from her Instagram interactions — or was it Twitter — with Marina Summers, she can still speak Tagalog!

Next to come in is Chanel O’Conor and I get that she came in with a Chanel silhouette and everything but it came off as very…plain? Especially when compared to the outfits of the first three queens that came in. Charra had more of an impact than she did. Chanel also says that she’s a seamstress which tells me that she might get eliminated on a sewing challenge. Because production likes to do that.

Actavia is up next and I totally do not mean for this to be a read but the first thing I thought of was that she’s a mix of Sandra Bernhard and Carrot Top? I’m so sorry! She says she’s been a trained dancer for a decade now so I am guessing that is going to be what she does in the talent show.

Up next is La Voix, who is already a Britain’s Got Talent and Queen of the Universe veteran. Check out her Queen of the Universe performance below! I’d put the Britain’s Got Talent video but the lighting on that show was homophobic.

And if La Voix looks a little more…mature, Marmalade is young. Or at least looks young because Actavia is younger than her. The makeup is perfection and the whole porcelain doll thing she’s got going on? Chef’s kiss.

Kyran Thrax is up next and I love the order these queens are coming into the Werk Room because it really shows off how different they are from each other. Kyran describes herself as a “bin-habiting cockroach” and is definitely a 180 from Marmalade’s aesthetic.

Then there’s Saki Yew, another Filipina competitor and of course I’m going to root for my Filipino queens but her look does seem a little simpler compared to Zahirah’s. Hope this doesn’t come back to bite her!

Lill is up next and I don’t know how many Manchester queens there are now! But at least it’s not London-centric! My first thought is that Lill out of drag is giving a bit of Charity Kase while her in drag is Charity Kase if she didn’t just do monster looks, but I get to reframe this quickly when she shares that she’s part of Cheddar Gorgeous’ drag family.

Lill is followed by Kiki Snatch, only the second London queen for this cast. I’m so happy that this cast is a lot more diverse than what I remember previous seasons being, since I think there were at most two queens of color in a UK season at any given time. And she and Rileasa are both queens from St. Lucia, where Monét Exchange is also from!

Dita Garbo is up next and apparently no one in the cast knows her! And she’s older than La Voix but La Voix definitely looks older in and out of drag sorry not sorry! She started out doing drag 26 years ago, got out, and then got back in back in 2021.

Dita Garbo is the last queen to enter the Werk Room as Ru now enters and announces for the first time in Drag Race UK history…there’s going to be a cash prize! Boy all the winners from Vivienne up to the most recent one are going to be pissed! After that announcement that pumps up the queen, we immediately go to this week’s Maxi Challenge, the talent show.

La Voix is up first and I liked her performance! Just 90 seconds but it felt like she was able to pack a lot in there. Actavia also does a great dance number but in my head I’m already thinking that this is just the first of many dance numbers happening in this episode and I’m already tired.

Lill’s act, while maybe not as high octane as Acatavia, really had me watching because it’s different. I think the queens are forgetting that not only have there been six seasons of Drag Race UK, there have also been a bajillion other seasons of different franchises. They’re competing against the world now, and it’s not even a vs The World season.

Kiki Snatch has a nice song number but I found myself constantly distracted by her unruly wig. And she wasn’t even dancing! She’s followed by Zahirah Zapanta and…it pains me to say this but that was mid. Baby I think you may just be in the bottom this episode.

Marmalade does a spoken word performance and…well it’s not Same Parts let’s just say that. I felt like I was at a school presentation.

Rileasa’s got a little sultry dance performance that reminded me of Janet Jackson’s Rope Burn for some reason. Which is then followed by Charra Tea’s Irene Dubois performance because this is giving that, I am so sorry. I guess it’s going to be a Charra and Zahirah lip sync! Coco might just be in the bottom too but at least her act was funnier than Charra’s!

Dita and Saki Yew are the next two performers and let’s just say Saki Yew was the more entertaining performer and will probably be the safe Filipina queen this episode.

Kyran Thrax is the final performer and thank god because that performance was nasty and funny. I had my mouth open the whole time and I think she might just win this first challenge, or at least place in the top.

The queens finally get back to the Werk Room to unpack and already Chanel is harping on Charra’s performance and I think they may just end up being the ones lip syncing against each other just to resolve this tension.

Saki and Zahirah are the learning segment queens this episode and they talk about the difficulties of being an Asian queen in the UK drag scene, which I feel may have become even more difficult after the global coronavirus pandemic. Saki and Zahirah kept getting mistaken for each other and Zahirah has even been called Jujubee and props to these two Filipina queens for still remaining professional despite all that.

Whatever I think of Chanel’s talent show, that runway look is delicious and so…clean? Zahirah’s look is…okay, but that terno is more tita at a wedding than something to bring to the runway. I’m so sorry! Especially since we’re all very aware of Marina Summers’ Axel Que bangus terno.

I liked La Voix’s look as well as Actavia’s and Marmalade’s. The rest were okay!

After the runway the girls get another surprise — this week’s winner will also get immunity from next week’s elimination. The queens better step up now because there’s now cash and immunity.

Chanel O’Connor, Zahirah Zapanta, Charra Tea are the first three names called and immediately think these are the top and bottom girls. Saki Yew, Dita Garbo, and Marmalade are called up next and then are named the safe girls and I’m like…okay? Then another surprise. No one’s going home!

The remaining queens are the top queens and two of them are going to be lip syncing for the win later on. Judging from the judge’s critiques, it looks like it’s going to be between La Voix and Kyran? I may be wrong!

BUT TURNS OUT I’M RIGHT! And I’m so sorry to La Voix but Kyran was sweeping the stage on this one.