It’s that time of the year again! RuPaul’s Drag Race is back for its 17th season so let’s dive right in!
Season 16 brought us banana queen Nymphia Wind and now there are 14 new queens looking to be her successor. But before I even get to know who these queens are I’m already overwhelmed by the Squirrel Games, the show’s Squid Game parody?
When they first started doing the intro I thought it would be just that like how All Stars 3 had that whole thing with The Handmaid’s Tale. But no, they actually built a set with the Pit Crew as the Guards and Lil’ Poundcake as the huge doll for Ru Light, Green Light.
And the amount of queens they had for this? I think I saw Trinity the Tuck, Morgan McMichaels, Mayhem Miller, Honey Davenport (I think?), Kerri Colby, that clown that was supposed to be Bianca del Rio, Angeria Paris Vanmichaels, Kylie Sonique Love, Jaymes Mansfield, Porkchop, and a lot of other queens that I don’t really know because they’re probably local queens in Los Angeles and I’m all the way in Asia!
Rather than get shot, the “eliminated” queens get pies to the face and Mayhem’s wig literally lifted up? How strongly are they flinging these pies? Also one of the new contestants, Sam Star, is actually Trinity the Tuck’s drag daughter? Also Kylie Sonique Love really did not want that pie on her face so she had them creampie her ass instead.
Also the sponsor for this season’s cash price is a theater ticket app and do they really have that much money? I can see concert ticket apps raking in the dough but theater? Anways, they’re coughing up the dough so there!
The first queen in the Werk Room is Lexi Love, who “puts the whore in hormones” and enters the Werk Room in a red and white get-up that feels very showgirl to me! She’s been doing drag for 13 years and is setting herself up as a kooky, “avant-stoopid” queen.
Up next is Joella who is quite frankly, very Chinese. She enters speaking Mandarin, has a Chinese dragon (?) as a headpiece, and even has a freaking gong. Just in case the outfit wasn’t enough to bring the point home.
Walking in after her is Kori King, whose outfit ends up looking very simple because it came right after Joella’s elaborate get-up. She’s got her panties peeking — or maybe that’s just the shady camera person — and bills herself as Boston’s Black Barbie. She also explains that she wants her drag to be “easy to draw” because she’s also a manga artist herself. AND she’s a drag sister to Plane Jane!
The fourth queen to enter the Werk Room is Lydia B. Kollins, who I immediately think of as a cross between Laila McQueen and Crystal Methyd. She’s inspired by Tim Burton, John Waters, and David Lynch and considering how there was this brouhaha over John Waters on Twitter just a couple of days ago I hope she’s capitalizing on it!
Lydia is then followed by another queen in (mostly) black, Arrietty, who already gets a laugh with her intro alone. Also it may just be recency bias but her drag also kinda reminds me of Kyran Thrax‘s. She’s also the drag daughter of Irene the Alien from Season 15!
We then get Jewels Sparkles who is a complete 180 from Arrietty’s drag. Like she said so herself, it’s very, very girly and pink and sparkly. She has Ariana Grande and Priscilla Presley as drag inspirations and she’s also only 22 so let’s hope she doesn’t become a Serena Chacha on this season.
Lana Ja’Rae is up next and even with me trying to tune out most of the drag news on Twitter I caught wind of her whole scandal with the goldfish in the shoe. She’s got no posts of her entrance on her Instagram which just makes me assume that she’s going to be the Porkchop of the season. Too bad if it’s true, because she’s Luxx Noir London’s drag daughter.
Trinity the Tuck’s drag daughter, Sam Star, is up next and they did her dirty with that intro with no reaction. She also doesn’t have her entrance look up on her Instagram account so sorry guys! She says she’s the supermodel of the South and Jewels is at least happy to see her because she’s her drag aunt! I’d love to hear more about that drag family tree! Sam’s pedigree also comes with crowns, since she is the current reigning National Apollo and was top three in last year’s National Entertainer of the Year. ALSO THE KNOWING SMILE I MADE WHEN LEXI LOVE REFERENCED SHE-DEVIL BY NIGHT,
Onya Nurve is the next queen to enter and she walks in with a very Jackson Five outfit. She is also yet another queen who doesn’t have her entrance look posted on her Instagram so maybe Lana isn’t going home just yet. She describes herself as a theater queen and an artist and also has a bachelor’s degree in Painting, so there’s that.
Suzie Toot enters with a newspaper in hand and I can’t help but compare her to Max from Season 7, who entered with that same shtick. Jewels calls her an “elder Orphan Annie lady” in the confessionals and I am smirking. You shady apes. She also makes fun of Suzie being a musical theater queen and will this be a rivalry moving forward?
Hormona Lisa is up next and apparently RuPaul personally asked her to go to Hollywood! All of it happened during RuPaul’s book tour — for the House of Hidden Meanings, I’m assuming — where Ru picked her out of the crowd and asked why she hasn’t auditioned for Drag Race yet. The queens are not immediately fond of her, let’s say that.
The next queen to enter the Werk Room is Crystal Envy and just like so many queens before her, she is not here to play, she is here to fight. And here I was thinking she was here to show them all that she’s still got it. Sam and Crystal have a pageant past together, and Sam makes sure to emphasize that she’s been the winner in the run-ins she’s had with Crystal.
We then get Acacia Forgot, who is very much repping the 80s with her entrance look. She wants to be the next big thing in country music and I’m like…it’s probably not gonna happen. Trixie Mattel couldn’t do it. Even Beyoncé couldn’t do it. That institution is too conservative for its own good.
Lucky Starzzz is up next and her entrance look is colorful, to say the least. It’s definitely a memorable look and I do wish she had it up on her Instagram account. She says she’s a Home Depot queen and bitch. At least she’s got a sense of humor about it! She’s the last queen to arrive and RuMail calls them all to meet RuPaul.
THEN WE FIND OUT THAT THE SQUIRREL GAMES WAS A MINI CHALLENGE! They were being photographed as they did and Lana definitely wins it because she did not stop serving throughout. She wins $2,500 and that has got to feel good right off the bat.
We also find out that this is a two-part premiere and that Rate A Queen is back but with a twist that Ru doesn’t immediately reveal. Seven of the queens will be performing in “Drag Queens got Talent” while the other half will do it next week. The queens who aren’t performing will rate the queens who are performing, with the two queens with the lowest score doing the lip sync and one of them going home. AND the queens will decide who will be performing when. Oh it’s going to be cutthroat.
Now that it’s time to de-drag Kori is very upfront about her search for a man and she says Lydia is her type. Meanwhile, Onya Nerve says Jewels has gone from Ariana Grande to “97 Jeff Goldblum” and I am LAUGHING. Arrietty, on the other hand, has Lucky in her sights.
The queens start discussing what they’re going to do for the two-week talent show but already there are alliances in play. Apparently, Arrietty and Lana have already decided to be on separate weeks so that they can rate each other. There’s also already tension because the first week talent show is lacking one more participant and no one initially wants to step up until Lydia.
As the queens start preparing for the talent show the next day, Acacia and her musical family get a lot of time on the show which either means she’s going to be the worst performer of the night or the best. Lydia and her burlesque puppet show also gets a focus because it’s going to go up against Jewels own burlesque performance. Which we find out she does with a bionic spine. I’m sorry but I don’t want any of the queens to suffer lasting bodily harm for this show?
Lucky’s story is also revealed. She and her family don’t have a house at the moment after her father suffered a fireworks injury that resulted in the loss of his hand. For Lucky this competition is very real. It’s a matter of being housed and unhoused.
Then we finally get to find out Jewels’ family tree! She’s the drag daughter of Shontelle Sparkles, who is the drag sister of Sam Star. Both Shontelle and Sam’s drag mom is Trinity the Tuck, which makes Sam Jewels’ “old, old, old, old, old” aunt. I always find it interesting to know about the queens’ family trees! Lexi Love, on the other hand, is very aware that she doesn’t come from drag royalty and promises to “smoke and toke those nepo babies.”
For the talent show, Suzie is going to be tap dancing and I understand where’s she coming from when she says that her really old-school talents and references aren’t going to be well-received by the queens she’s competing with. The Jinkx Monsoon Season 5 experience is available to watch on Wowpresentsplus, after all.
But before they get to perform the talent show, they get to meet Katy Perry, and I assume this was filmed way before the whole fiasco that exploded around her latest release. And credit to Joella because she was not lying when she said that Katy Perry knows her because Katy does. If you’re an eldritch being like myself, you’ll know how some queens have made dubious claims in the past about being friends with big name celebrities.
Katy tries to offer some advice to the queens and I am truly not being a hater here but it is definitely not the Lady Gaga masterclass from Season 9 Untucked. It’s very vague, it’s very platitudes, it’s very “HEY I’M COOL TOO”. Maybe they edited out what she said, who knows. If that’s the case then the editors were shady. But something tells me that that was it.
We finally get to the Main Stage and this week’s runway category is Masked for Masked Singer. Funny!
First up is Acacia Forgot and well…that was forgettable. Joella’s would have been just okay but she really got a big boost from Acacia’s snowman outfit. It’s just automatically better. It’s with Jewels Sparkles that we finally get a lewk. I love the baby blue fantasy!
Arrietty is also giving a lewk. A lewk with elf ears to boot! I also like Lydia’s intergalatic Iron Maiden look and then we get Lucky’s pizza look which is delicious. I’m not even a big pizza eater but I’d eat that! Suzie Toot’s look is also a toot!
Kori’s look with all the feathers is also a serve, although because the queens before her came out with more unconventional looks her looks kinda fade a little bit? It’s a very good look, make no mistake! It’s just that the others were so different from what you’d expect.
Hormona comes out with a skunk look that’s okay, but it quickly overshadowed by Crystal Envy’s porcelain baby doll look. Lexi also does an okay look that’s also immediately overshadowed by Lana’s pussycat look. Onya Nerves look looks…crafty? It just felt like so many things all at once!
Sam’s outfit looks good but it just lacks a little something. I can’t remember the name right now but a Drag Race España queen did this look better, and not necessarily because of the materials but because of the bearing.
Now we get to the talent show! Jewels Sparkles is up next and…well it was an okay performance. Safe! Arrietty does what I assume is a cultural dance but I echo Onya’s sentiment here. Are you going to give us something else with that dress? Lydia’s performance really got me at the start but as it progressed it started to look unfinished? But I don’t know if she meant for it to look like that or not.
Then we get Lucky’s performance and it’s the first laugh I let out for any of the performances. Is that song on Spotify? ALSO HOW DID SHE SHOOT ALL OF THAT OUTTA HER?
Joella is the next performer and…well. Katy liked it? Acacia does a good performance, no matter what Sam says, but I just feel so sad that the country establishment in America is not going to accept her. Suzie’s tap dancing performance is also another performance that legitimately made me laugh. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the end but Luck and Suzie are definitely safe for me.
During the judges’ discussion on the performances, I was very happy to hear that they also thought Lydia’s performance eventually tapered out. I had high hopes for it in the beginning as well! As for the Rate A Queen, Lana and Arrietty’s plans immediate take effect as Lana votes for Arrietty in first place despite the performance not being all that. I do wonder why everybody wasn’t a fan of Acacia’s performance since I thought it was okay. But maybe it was a different environment inside the studio and it didn’t translate well?
Joella, Arrietty, Lydia, and Lucky are the safe queens, while Acacia ends up in the bottom. It’s Suzie and Jewels battling for the top position this week and they’re going to be lip syncing to “Woman’s World” by Katy Perry. Who’d have thought this is how I’m going to finally hear this song? And…well it’s not so much bad but bland? It’s a very nothing song, which I guess is why the lip sync also felt very…meh. I did love Suzie asking Ru to focus on her feet as she tapped! And I believe that’s what led to her win! Congratulations!
Ron Does Stuff 
Leave a comment