Ron Does Stuff

Oh my god, I am sort of on time for this episode! Finally getting a weekend off and I am making sure to catch up!

Kori was sent home in the last episode, leaving Lydia’s butthole unattended and Lydia is understandably sad about it. But she’s also happy that she gets to stay another week to compete for the crown. Which she probably won’t win, I’m just saying. Production hasn’t exactly laid out a path to success for her here.

Jewels, on the other hand, is happy with her win and is feeling a lot more confident about her chances, especially since she hasn’t had a bottom placement yet as far as I can recall. Lexi is in her feelings — understandably as well — but she at least makes sure that Jewels doesn’t take it as anything against her win.

Lydia, however, does not mind pointing out that she is against Sam being safe in the challenge. “It’s a very tailored bra and skirt.” Bitch. Which is pretty brave because her and Lana are the only two queens left without a win.

The next day, it’s not Ru that greets the queens in the Werk Room but Michelle, who tells them that the Badonka Dunk tank is making a return this episode. Not to save a queen from elimination, mind you, but just so Michelle gets to have some revenge on the two times she’s been dunked in the tank. The queens are supposed to answer questions but of course every answer is wrong because Michelle just wants to dunk them in the tank. Other than Michelle and the viewers, no one wins the mini challenge.

Let’s move on to the Maxi Challenge, which is a Villains Roast! The queens will be roasting Mistress Isabelle Brooks, Kandy Muse, and Plane Jane, which really just means they’re going to all fail because those three? They’re vicious at reading. They’re shady as fuck. I don’t think it matters how Jewels order the roast.

And the roast order results in some friction because Lexi thinks Jewels is being shady by putting her after Suzie. Arrietty is also feeling betrayed because she thinks Jewels put her before her because she is expecting her to do bad. Again, I don’t think it really matters in the end because if the material sucks, either Mistress, Kandy, or Plane will be the one doing the clapbacks themselves.

Arrietty doesn’t feel any better when they start rehearsing because not only is she coming before Jewels, she’s also coming after Onya, whose jokes are already making Michelle and Whitney Cummings laugh even in rehearsal. Lana is also worried about her place in the competition because the one joke she delivers bombs.

One thing I did not expect is Onya coming from Suzie when Suzie says her jokes are cerebral. She says that Suzie is just setting expectations low so when she inevitably delivers, people will be blown away. And to be fair to Suzie, she doesn’t get in her feelings over it and just says yes, she’s going to do great, what about it?

Before the rehearsal with Michelle and Whitney ends, Arrietty drops a bombshell in the confessionals, saying that she is going to be stealing Jewels jokes. Which will definitely sabotage Jewels’ set because Arrietty is on before her. Let’s see if this pushes through and if it succeeds, because it’s all going to depend on the delivery! Arrietty could flop with the delivery and still be unfunny.

In the Werk Room the next day, Arrietty is still pissed and is moving stations away from Jewels. Lexi is also very loudly complaining about her placement in the roast. And to Suzie Toot’s credit, she thinks that it really doesn’t matter where you’re placed in the roast but how you react to your placement. Onya also points out that Jewels decisions should not have them spiraling like this. And I’m on Jewels, Suzie’s, and Onya’s side here! This is too much! But also so fun to watch!

Onya is up first and she does an okay job! I thought that Kandy joke could have been tighter but all in all she’s going to be safe in this challenge. Arrietty is up next and…oh god. It starts off horribly and then she gets to the stolen Jewels jokes and Jewels is fuming. Is there going to be a fistfight? But even with the stolen jokes, as Sam Star pointed out, the set is still sad. Plane called it the villain of the season and Mistress advised her to learn the music and she’s not wrong!

But Arrietty does succeed in unsettling Jewels calm because Jewels’ first joke is the one Arrietty already told. It throws off Jewels whole set and it really does look like they’re going to be lip syncing against each other. I can’t wait for the Untucked on this one.

Arrietty and Jewels sets are so bad, Lana comes out just great. And the jokes were hilarious. The slavery joke about Sam Star? Bitch. And Sam running with it in a way that’s funny and not offensive? Bitch. AND THEN LYDIA BUTTHOLE KOLLINS KILLS IT. THAT FUCKING JIZZ JOKE? FUCK.

Lydia’s set is so fucking good that it kinda made Suzie’s set be just okay. Lydia was the queen everyone should have been worried about all along when it comes to the roast. Probably the only thing more effective at derailing a queen’s set is Lexi’s inner saboteur because girl. You literally are your own worst enemy at this point.

Onya and Suzie are the safe queens this episode which I think is a fair assessment. Either Lana or Lydia might end up winning this while Lexi looks like she’s going to be safe. I really feel like it’s going to be Arrietty versus Jewels just to put a dot to the drama that happened throughout the episode.

Lydia wins her first challenge! So happy for her! And Arrietty and Jewels are going to lip sync for their life. I don’t if it’s the editing, but I feel like this lip sync is still lackluster, although Lexi and Suzie’s talking heads say otherwise. Maybe it’s just not translating on television and it looks much better live? Can’t really say! But Jewels is the victor and stays for another week!