Ron Does Stuff

We’re inching closer and closer to the season finale! Let’s see who’ll end up in the top five!

Lydia’s butthole went home in the previous episode and the mirror message she left behind is so sweet, almost making Lana cry. It seems like she really was beloved by the rest of the girls who’ve made it this far. I think it also gave Lana’s morale a little boost so she can keep pushing forward in the competition, although — no T, no shade — I think she’s the next one marked for elimination.

The discussion then turns to the “Who should go home?” question from last week and Onya says that giving Suzie as the answer was a cop out. And I think I’ve made it clear that I’m Team Onya BUT I actually found the answers last week refreshing. Past seasons have always been the queens going after the weakest competitor and it always felt like a cheap shot to me because that particular queen is already down and probably on the way out anyway. I feel like mentioning the top queen is issuing a challenge. BUT I also get where she’s coming from!

We don’t even get a discussion in the Werk Room the next day because Ru immediately walks in and announces this week’s mini challenge, which involves them picking the queen that gets them the most. Lexi’s picking Onya — because it may result in a win for her — ticks Sam off because she thought she and Lexi were the closest.

The paired queens — Jewels and Suzie, Lana and Sam, Lexi and Onya — need to write each other’s bios and the most sickening bio wins. I chuckled at the Haus of the Great Depression line in the bio Jewels wrote for Suzie but it’s Onya’s bio for Lexi that really takes the cake. Lexi’s bio for Onya, though? Ouch. I think that’s what handed Jewels the win.

For their Maxi Challenge, the queens remain in their pairs and then have to deliver a monologue about their life, based on the themes they picked out of Bruno’s pink furry box. Jewels picks “Out of this World,” Suzie “Learned that the Hard Way,” Lana “Lost,” Sam Star “Triggered,” Lexi “Payback’s a Bitch,” and Onya “Obsessed”. The twist is that while one partner is delivering the monologue, the other will be doing an interpretative dance to it. And Jewels is going to pick that order again because that went so well during the roast.

The queens separate to their groups and Suzie is already gunning for a win because she does not want to be overtaken as a front runner by Onya. Her story is about losing a spelling bee and…well I guess it depends on how she’s going to tell it but let me tell you it wasn’t appealing to me hearing it the first time. Especially compared to Jewels story of thinking she was possessed by a ghost because she always wanted to play with dolls. That can both be funny and poignant.

Meanwhile, between Sam and Lana it looks like Lana has the better bones for a story, considering how she grew up in a conservative family that did not look favorably at her queerness at all. But I am glad to hear that her parents have gone a long way since then. What I am not enthused about is that this is probably her goodbye episode because we’re finding this about her now.

Lexi is also having a difficult time finding a lighthearted story to tell, which might just mean that it’s going to be her going up against Lana. Onya’s story is also kind of interesting but I feel like it’s a little short on details! But they’re just introducing it in the Werk Room and we might get to know a bit more during the actual challenge.

It’s time for Jewels to decide the order once again and now she’s going well if you guys are going to be upset about it anyway then I’ll intentionally upset you because the reactions are going to be the same. But it was all just talk because she gave the girls what they wanted. Which I understand because I’ve had to deal with backlash before but I was expecting drama!

The girls start rehearsing and if the challenge is going to be judged as a group performance then Onya and Lexi are in trouble, at least from the snippets they show. A hare out of an ass?

Jewels and Suzie…I don’t know what to think. Suzie is definitely micromanaging Jewels but Suzie’s decisions have mostly been on point so she just might coach Jewels to a win or at least a safe placement for both of them. But it could lead to a Suzie Toot lip sync as well, which Lexi is dying to see.

Sam and Lana also look like they’re going to be in trouble as well, with neither one of them feeling confident about the other person’s skills. It’s not going to work if both of you already think you’re going to fail right from the start.

As they prepare to go on the main stage we also find out a little more about Suzie Toot, specifically alcoholism in her family. She doesn’t go into details but it’s enough for Sam to empathize with her, especially since addiction runs in her family as well.

We also get even more detail about Lana’s life, such as how she used to be a professional clown and how she did miming in church which really just seals her fate for this episode. Bye, Lana!

The Maxi Challenge starts and I gotta say…not my favorite. I don’t think I was entertained by any of the stories. Maybe I’m just uncultured! But I didn’t like the stories or the dances. Maybe it looks and sounds better in person!

Then I get a reminder of my mortality when Ru says that it’s been 10 years since the Ugliest Dress Ever runway from Season 7 and I think blood started to spurt out of my eyes? It’s been 10 years? When I wiped the blood from my face and looked at the outfits I think Sam really missed the brief because that dress isn’t ugly?

Onya and Lexi both win the Maxi Challenge, which now makes Onya a four-time winner and definitely the queen to beat. Sam Star and Lana are the bottom queens, which is a first for Sam. Oh my goodness will Sam be sent home so close to the finale?

But of course that’s not going to happen. Lana loses the lip sync and is sent home. The episode laid the groundwork for her departure after all!