Ron Does Stuff

It’s the finale! After crowning Suzie Toot as the Queen She Done Already Done Had Herses in the previous episode, we’re now going to see who takes the crown home. Let’s get into it!

Of course, we get a shot of all the returning queens and I gotta say, Lucky Starzzz look was great and so was Suzie’s Little Shop of Horrors look! Acacia Forgot’s look was also good! And as much as people may not like her attitude, Arrietty really does bring the fashion everytime. The final four all looked great although I have to admit Sam was, surprisingly, the least impressive of them. I thought she’d bring it.

It’s not going to be a lip sync for the crown, at least to start with, for the final four. Instead, we’re going back to season 8, I think? They’ll be singing their own original song and they’ll be doing it live. I don’t know about the live singing part but I am sorta glad they gave up on the lip sync for the crown because they’re never going to top what Sasha Velour did.

Jewels Sparkles is up first and it’s a fun comedic number! And these queens are still lip syncing but to a recording of their voice, okay. I thought this performance was fun but it feels a little…Rusical? Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but I was expecting more cunt. This is also where we find out that this is where we get the “What would you say” segments which I admit I have never liked, even back then.

Next to perform is Lexi Love and she definitely is going to the top two because she calls back her first roller skating performance and it’s really impressive! It also felt more like a finale song than Jewels’ song, to be honest. But let’s see what Sam and Onya have prepared because they might just out-cunt Lexi!

The third performance of the night is Onya Nurve and I hope she brings in a great performance because I’m Team Onya. And it’s a great performance! I really think it’s going to be Onya versus Lexi in the top two but we still have Sam to watch. But, no tea, no shade, we kinda saw Sam’s performance during the talent show and…well.

Sam is up next and…I’ve been proven wrong! I actually liked this performance, especially when she turned her skirt into a red carpet. So far I think only Jewels was the least impressive of the top four. This is exciting!

Xunami and Sapphira are back to crown the new Miss Congeniality and they both look gorge. Crystal Envy is crowned Miss Congeniality — a surprise to me because she didn’t stick around long enough! — and gets $20,000 from Olay. And the rest of the queens get $2,000 as well! Good on Olay and I gotta say their regenerist cream thingie worked wonders on my cracked face.

Liza Minnelli also gets recognized this finale with the Giving Us Lifetime Achievement Award. And I didn’t know she’s a producer of Drag, The Musical! She makes a hilarious appearance sprawled on a queen’s chair and Suzie is living.

We then get Nymphia’s step down look and it is gorge but are we really surprised? It draws on Chinese mythology — what I can remember of it! — and I am loving how gagged one of Sam Star’s drag mothers looked when Nymphia said she made the dress yesterday. The details on the gown really is great especially if you recognize them!

We get to the announcement of the top two and it’s Onya Nurve and Jewels Sparkles, which I guess happened because these two were in the lead when it came to the Instagram likes. But it’s not so bad losing this time around because Lexi and Sam still get $10,000! Most of the past seasons’ runners-up didn’t get that! And whoever gets second place also gets $25,000! Damn.

The final song is “Abracadabra” by Lady Gaga and Jewels certainly has more reveals. However, I think it distracted from her actual lip syncing, while Onya’s performane, while less showy, actually had more lip syncing. But those reveals might just win Jewels the crown. BUT ONYA WINS! Congrats Onya!