I haven’t forgotten about this show, you guys! It’s just that life and other more recent shows have overtaken it and I’ve moved things around instead. But I’m back here with these Swedish homosexuals!
The end of the previous episode was a shocker to me and this show has a lot of shocks in it. Wilhelm was trying to put the moves on Felice and that is a no-no to me especially since we know by now that Wilhelm is a MALICIOUS GAY FAGGOT.
It doesn’t show what happened between Wilhelm and Felice, but the first scene of this episode has people gossiping about Felice being in Wilhelm’s bed. I feel like the universe is telling you to be celibate, Wilhelm. Maybe what you’re destined for is a lifetime of gooning and baiting, because know Felice is accused of being a gold-digger when she’s got more money that at least August! August is a poor!
Elsewhere in Hillerska, August is still a poor but at least he’s a little but happier now that he’s been picked as a possible successor to the throne. If the royal court ends up putting this asshole on the throne then maybe this fictional Sweden deserves to get what it gets. He’s trying to get Sara to send him nudes!
Felice’s friend group is telling her not to get too pressed about the rumors about her since it’ll probably go away in a week or so and I would usually agree but you kiddos live in the age of the internet. Someone somewhere is cataloguing all of this down for posterity. Or maybe they’re not because there’s still lost media even in this internet age.
They get to the…I honestly don’t know what part of Hillerska this is but the girls are mixing with the boys and they’re doing something that Hillerska has apparently been doing for ages now — something about sending love letters to the person they like. But it’s not like the American Valentine’s, says one of the socialist Swedes! And I don’t blame her for disassociating with the American’s because I’m watching this during the second Trump presidency and…woof.
Anyways, the tradition has people sending anonymous love letters and if the recipient figures out who sent them the letter, they can go to the masquerade ball together. They’re also going to be wearing real 18th-century dresses and wigs and I don’t know if the translation means the dresses and wigs are from the 18th century or they’re just dresses and wigs done in the style of the 18th century but either way it doesn’t surprise me that this is something rich people do. It’s almost the same as competing over who operates the gym equipment better.
Over at the boys’ table, it’s straight teenage boys absolutely misunderstanding teenage girls and I am done. And Wilhelm probably is as well because they’re making him stand on the table to talk about his supposed tryst with Felice and he has had it. Unfortunately, not even his royal stature stops Vincent from saying that he made out with Felice in his room and Simon walks out of the room. At least you have a big remote control to come home to!
And Simon goes off to hang out with Marcus and his big remote control! He even invites him to the school ball that definitely has nothing to do with American Valentine’s and Marcus asks him if he wants to show him off to everyone and in my head I say Simon just wants to show you off to one specific person.
I feel like Marcus know this which is why he tries to get Simon to come on over to his place instead so they can play with his big remote control and maybe I’m just a whore but Marcus really has that charming blue collar hottie thing going on. A little bit of rough, as the colonizing English would say!
Back at Hillerska, Sara is making yet another bad decision as she tries to take sexy pics for August. He is not the one you send these photos to, Sara! He took a video of your older brother having sex and spread it around! This is a bad decision!
The next day, Simon is still sore because of Marcus’ big remote about Wilhelm making out with Felice so he literally makes Wilhelm his sole target at what I guess is Swedish dodgeball? They have another confrontation in the locker room and Omar Rudberg’s body? Tea.
Simon is pissy about Felice and Wilhelm is pissy about Marcus and his big remote and Wilhelm wants to know if Simon and Marcus are a thing now. Simon says he doesn’t know but at least Marcus is open about liking him and I can hear the Drag Race shade rattle loud and clear. Wilhelm retorts that it’s actually Simon who can’t accpet Wilhelm for who he is and what his family is and Simon says that maybe that’s true. And I kinda wish that they explore this further on because Wilhelm’s family really isn’t just any family.
Wilhelm turns to Felice expecting her to do her fag hag duties but Felice is a queen and immediately calls out Wilhelm for still thinking about himself while everybody else in the school is calling her a gold-digger. Wilhelm tells her that he made out with her because he wanted to find out if it feels the same way it did with Simon and Wilhelm really is just digging his own grave at this point. But Felice is also a forgiving queen and they make up but it doesn’t make Wilhelm feel any hopeful about his relationship with Simon. So he decides to give up on it but let’s see how long that decision lasts.
It does seem like a serious decision thought because Wilhelm asks for advice from Nisse — the guy from episode 1 who saw Marcus on Grindr — about how to do the gay dating and shit and Nisse immediately goes from 0 to 60 by asking Wilhelm if he wants to go on a house party and whether he prefers twinks, bears, Asians, or Latinos. This is some top shelf MALICIOUS GAY FAGGOTRY.
Nisse asks about Simon and I know it’s the rich talking to the rich but he does have a good point that maybe Simon should consider if he really wants to continue this relationship with Wilhelm. Wilhelm coming out is going to be international news and that’s just the reality of who he is.
Over with the girls of Hillerska, it seems like the show is trying to hint at a lesbian storyline? Am I reading this correctly? Because I may be remembering this incorrectly but I think this is the same girl that was all about gooning and baiting instead of doing it with guys. While that homosexuality is going on, Sara and August have their own mobile phone flirting going on which of course leads to sex in his room. I can only sigh.
AND THEN WE GET A FULL ON BUTT SHOT OF AUGUST? I WAS NOT PREPARED? AND HE’S FACING THE WINDOW TOO WITH THE CURTAINS DRAWN SO HIS DICK IS OUT THERE FACING THE WORLD.
If he had an erection beforehand, the phone call he answered NAKED AND BUTT OUT quickly gets rid of that because he then realizes the weight that Wilhelm has been carrying. The royal court has a 10-year plan for his life and they want the passwords to all of his social media accounts so they can go through it. They also ask him if he’s gotten anyone pregnant and if he’s got an STD and my god they’re really making royal life unattractive. And August is truly not built for royal life because he’s already lying to the royal court. Or maybe the bigger message the show is saying about royalty is that no one is built for it and it should be discarded. BRING OUT THE GUILLOTINE.
August comes clean to Sara about the fact that he might be the next king of Sweden and these siblings really just fucked the next two names in the Swedish royal line of succession. Sara’s even got an invite to the ball thank to August. All hail the fucking proletariat!
The 18th-centruy dresses and wigs arrive and Sara asks Felice whether she and Wilhelm are dating and I worry about how things are going to go down between the two of them when August and Sara go to the ball. Sara is going to look like an absolute snake and maybe she is! But maybe Sara can somehow wiggle her way out of this because Felice asks her to the ball as well. Not in a romantic way but in a platonic way.
The students start preparing for the Not American Valentine’s ball and there’s this one scene that they show of Wilhelm putting on his 18th-century drag and as i’ve said in multiple posts about multiple shows, I am a big fan of that one big tear dangling on one’s eye and Edvin does it beautifully. I’m a fan!
Over at the boys’ dorm, August is preparing for a hot and sexy night with Sara, preparing candles and wine and everything, and I think he might just get rejected again. By a commoner! AND HE DOES GET REJECTED. GAWD DAMN I’M STARTING TO FEEL BAD NOW BUT I AM ALSO LAUGHING.
Over at Simon’s house, Marcus and his big remote control have decided they want to go with Simon to the Not American Valentine’s ball anyway and I will feel so bad when Simon dumps him because you know it’s going to happen. If this show ends with a happy ending, I mean. The romance genre happy ending. But in the outside world, Marcus really is a better fit for Simon and I wouldn’t blame him if he chooses him instead.
The girls finally arrive at the Not American Valentine’s ball and Sara clocks the lesbian shenanigans between Stella and Frederika. Two things: First, I like how they’ve utilized certain tropes about neurodivergent people in a subtle way? They’re not making Sara look like some savant. She’s just a little more attentive. Second, Stella’s reaction after being found out is so understandable and probably familiar to a lot of queer people in the closet. And her reasoning that she’d rather be a friend that Frederika loves than an ex that she hates? That’s something relatable wheter you’re queer or not.
While Sara has avoided being a messy bitch for now, Simon is stepping into the drama and asks Marcus to dance with him in full view of Wilhelm. Simon is the dram and is the villain of the season.
And you know what? I am enjoying Wilhelm looking like kicked puppy over in the corner as he watches Simon dance with Marcus and his big remote. Just like Marie Kondo, I love mess.
August finally makes an appearance at the Not American Valentine’s ball and maybe he’s acting out because of Sara but now he’s making moves against Wilhelm, telling Alexander that it was Wilhelm that voted to have him take the fall for the drinks and drugs that were found in the school. August tries to make it look like he was on Alexander’s side all along but you were only targeting Simon because you owed him money you dickwad.
Meanwhile, seems like Wilhelm’s plan to get over Simon is to act all nonchalant and he ends up inadvertently charming Marcus and his big remote. I mean, polycules are a thing and I certainly have no objections to Wilhelm, Simon, and Marcus making out or whatever.
While Marcus is in the restroom, Wilhelm and Simon finally confront each other and Simon’s little revenge plan may have backfired on him because Wilhelm tells him that he gets it. Simon doesn’t love him anymore and he’s going to leave him alone now. The hurt in Simon’s eyes? That’s Nora Aunor levels of eye acting right there. He’s definitely not over Wilhelm so I guess that royal dick really does the trick!
There’s some drama that happens with Sara and August as well but I hate to be hit blunt but I don’t care about the heterosexuals right now, okay? Simon runs out on Marcus and the choir to go chase after Willhelm’s royal dick and you know what? I get it. And when he catches up to him? Oh he was going to get a royal dicking down if Marcus hadn’t called out for Simon. And Wilhelm knows and I can’t blame him for looking so fucking smug. That royal dick really does the trick!
And then Wilhelm hears the song Simon made for him? Oh he’s so smug right now. His balls are huge. His shaft is ghirty. He is the king. Maybe not of Sweden but really, he might prefer this one more.
Ron Does Stuff 
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