Ron Does Stuff

We’re finally past the halfway point when it comes to Agatha All Along! From all the press I’ve read, all the media people only got to watch until episode 4, so this is new for the rest of the world as well!

After the Agatha/Rio lesbianism at the end of the last episode — where Rio tells Agatha that Teen isn’t hers — we don’t immediately get the aftermath. Instead, the show treats us to shots of animals who if I am remembering correctly are representations of the Salem Seven.

Now, I don’t know if it’s the actresses themselves who are doing the movements here or if they’re stunt doubles, but whoever it is doing these freaky acting is so good. Could it be computer-animated? Or computer-enhanced? I don’t know but it looks good!

Turns out that the summoning spell that they used to call Rio to them also left a door open for the Salem Seven to access the road. And they’ve got Agatha’s coven cornered! Teen suggests a Hexenbesen which the witches hate at first — I love the discussion about the holiday industrial complex — but they’re desperate so they do what they must.

Unfortunately, one of the Salem Seven has already caught up with them. BUT, Alice wallops her with a broom and they manage to escape on their makeshift brooms and while the scene is great and I genuinely felt the excitement I do wish it was lit better? WHY ARE TV SHOWS NOWADAYS SO DARK. I AM OLD AND MY EYESIGHT IS FAILING ME.

The moment of joy while they’re flying doesn’t last long, though, as the Witches’ Road forces them down. One of the Salem Seven is waiting for them down below but fortunately — fortunately? — the next trial is up ahead and they get out of confronting that witch. For now.

This new trial is meant for Agatha and she’s tasked with talking to the dead. Or at least one dead person, I think. As expected, the communing with spirits needs to be done with a Ouija board and Mrs. Hart is the spirit waiting for them? But Lila accidentally lets go of the Ouija planchette which results in Agatha becoming possessed. By Mrs. Hart. Props to Kathryn Hahn here because her Mrs. Hart impersonation is great. Because she’s not possessed by Mrs. Hart/Davies. FUCK.

They do the Ouija again and DEATH IS HERE TO PUNISH AGATHA. I don’t know if the coven intended to hang her or something but Agatha gets legitimately possessed this time around and having just watched The First Omen four months ago I think they did a great job! Especially since isn’t a movie with a movie budget.

Turns out it’s Agatha’s mom Evanora Harkness that is the one possessing her, and she tells the rest of the coven to finish the Witches’ Road without Agatha. Teen refuses to do so, so Evanora possesses Agatha again and it’s Alice who steps in with her power. UNFORTUNATELY, Agatha ends up sucking her power and killing Alice, to the disgust of Teen. And to my disappointment as well because why you gotta kill the Asian in the cast?

Either way, they manage to finish the trial AND TEEN IS PISSED. He doesn’t believe that this is what witchcraft should be and it tips Agatha off that Teen is BILLY FUCKING KAPLAN. Like he’s got the Wiccan magical circle things! And he’s thrown the rest of the coven off the Witches Road. AND HE’S GOT THE SCARLET WITCH’S CROWN. FUCK.