Ron Does Stuff

While I do remembering watching this in the cinemas because I had such a crush on Gaspard Ulliel, I pretty much remember nothing else about it. I’m not even talking about plot points, I mean I don’t even remember how I felt about it. Which I feel is much worse than me coming out of it mad about the movie. Let’s see how I feel about it on this rewatch!

The movie definitely starts out idyllic, with beautiful and ethereal shots of the forest outside of Lecter Castle. There’s shots of Hannibal and Mischa playing happily and knowing what we know from the book, they’re not going to be happy for long.

I am not a film student or anything, so I don’t know if I’m articulating this well, but the whole World War II segment felt very…television? Something about the way it was shot, the colors, I feel like it was something from the BBC or something. A well-made recreation for TV, maybe, or a fictionalized account in the style of BBC’s The Musketeers. I don’t really know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Now this may just be my bias speaking, but once we get to the post-World War II era and get Gaspard Ulliel as Hannibal, things start to get interesting. At least for me. It still feels like a television movie, but Gaspard really was a magnetic presence on screen.

The movie also jettisons some of the characters in the book, which I think is a good decision because the book did feel a little bloated to me. This much more streamlined story is a better experience so far.

I do find it ~hilarious~ that they have Gong Li playing the role of Lady Murasaki, not so much because she’s not a good actress — Gong Li is a queen — but having a Chinese woman play a Japanese woman? With all the history between those two countries? A choice.

Okay, at this point I have to admit that I am no longer viewing this movie objectively because I just find Gaspard Ulliel so hot? Him moaning in his sleep? Hot. Waking up from a nightmare? Hot. I’m sorry I’m a broken person.

There’s something a little feral about him in this role, like he’s an animal that’s trying to size you up. It really is mesmerizing and while I don’t know how Hannibal fans felt at the time but I sure am feeling something right now. I am just barely stopping myself from just posting screenshots of his face all throughout. And then the tension between him and Gong Li while she’s teaching him kendo? Hit me with your big stick Gaspard I’m ready.

I really, really thought I would be able to watch this and be objective about it but I can’t? It’s not very good, it feels like it’s a television movie — especially when they do flashbacks to the war — when I’m sure it had a huge budget for the time, but all of that is overtaken by how hot I find Gaspard Ulliel? I can’t.

There are moments where I emerge from my lust-induced haze and can see that Gaspard really does do a great job in this. He’s got that snobbishness that Hannibal has in the later movies but with just a touch more feral in it and a bit more rawness since he’s younger. He also brings a sexiness to it that is just delicious.

The script is atrocious and it was definitely a choice to have Thomas Harris do the script for this because his prose isn’t spectacular from the books so why entrust him to write a script, an entirely different form and something I don’t think he has any experience in? It’s distracting me enough from Gaspard Ulliel’s hotness and that says a lot.

An hour into the movie and I’m barely hanging on, even with Gaspard Ulliel’s hotness in play. The script really is so bad, you guys. It’s very exposition-heavy. Gaspard and Gong Li and everybody else are doing their best but it’s just so bad. There’s a scene where Hannibal is wearing a doctor’s coat and he still has to say i am studying to be a doctor like come on now.

The movie picks up again when Hannibal starts killing the people that killed his sister and Gaspard really shines in it. I know I’m repeating myself but it really does feel like a more feral interpretation with him just putting enough Anthony Hopkins in it.

And then it takes too freaking long before he executes his revenge. This movie absolutely did not need to be two hours long. Ninety minutes would have been enough, even if that means less Gaspard Ulliel. Or maybe if they were going to insist on this being two hours long they could have spent an hour just focusing on Gaspard’s face.

After what seems like forever we finally get to the end of this movie and I have to say it does accurately reflect the experience of reading the last parts of the book. I felt like that took just as long as this movie did. The only advantage this movie has is that I get to stare at Gaspard Ulliel but really if you’re not into him or you’re not into him that much there’s no reason for you to sit through this.